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BUSINESS MANAGEMENT
Dealing
With Unpleasant Personalities
A small reveiw: Coping With Difficult People by Dr. R.M.
Bramson
by John J Lichty
The unhappy
client was complaining loudly about choice, quality and colors.
She was demanding answers on design and installation, questioning
prices.
The frustrated salesperson was patiently controlling her growing
frustration. She answered the client’s remarks and questions
calmly and accurately. Finally, in exasperation, she said quietly,
“Madam, I’ve tried to answer your every question, but
apparently we can’t serve you. I’m sorry. Thank you.”
As she turned away, I heard her say under her breath, “Go to
Wal-Mart, you old biddy. We helped you know what you need to buy.
Thanks for nothing.” Madam turned and stormed out of the store.
LOST SALE?
Too bad. The client may indeed be queen or king. Nevertheless, some
arrogant and abusive customers can cause you to lose your cool.
Also, maybe a needed sale and a long-range customer.
Unfortunately, not all of your clients in your store, home or studio
have pleasant personalities. Not all have read and heeded Dale Carnegie’s
How To Win Friends and Influence People. What’s more, they’ll
tell you, “I not only haven’t—I don’t intend—to
change. I am what I am. So there!”
Carnegie’s book doesn’t discuss at length the problems
of dealing with people’s adverse personalities. But, Bramsom’s
book does. For years, he and his staff have studied and recorded
the behaviors of abrasive personalities in various sales and work
situations. They also studied the reactions of those individuals
who had to deal with such persons—the hostile customers, the
indecisive prospects, the know-it-all fellow workers.
PATTERNS OF DIFFICULT BEHAVIOR
We all have our special names for such people, the “crabs”
who argue about details, want extra service, fret about price.
Bramsom classified the most frustrating types as:
1a. Hostile Aggressives. He also calls them: tanks, snipers and
exploders. Abrasive and intimidating loudmouths treat you and your
staff as inferiors and know-nothings with ideas that won’t
work. Can be frightening at times. Might explode into tantrums over
“dumb” suggestions from you. Snipes and grumbles at your
remarks and suggestions.
2a. The Complete Complainer. Negative in attitude, gloomy and ill-humored.
Complains about products, designs and prices. Almost impossible
to please. Like the old biddy, you hate to wait on or hear her on
the phone. Makes you want to say, “Stop your whining.”
That would not help any.
3a. The Silent Unresponsives. The quiet clams who seldom show any
interest or responsiveness. Answer with “yes” or “no,”
often just a grunt. Never know what they are thinking. Nerve wracking
to wait them out. Can drive you up a wall. Come in many degrees
of behavior, as do all types.
4a. The Super Agreeables. So very sweet and “terribly nice.”
Like social climbers wanting to be accepted. Funny at times. Agree
with your sales pitch, but seldom commit or follow through with
a purchase. Indecisive, can’t stop being nice, afraid to lose
you as a friend.
5a. The Wet Blankets. Negatives, shoot down your ideas and proposals
one-by-one. Like the Complainers, deep in an atmosphere of gloom.
Believe that you don’t really care about their needs, that
life is cruel. Normal responses to suggestion: “I don’t
know.” “That wouldn’t be right in our house.”
“I can’t afford it.” “No way, impossible.”
6a. The Know-It-Alls. Bulldozers and experts. Much like Hostile
Aggressives. Offensive in more ways than one. Want to control the
transaction. “It’s my way or the highway.” “Don’t
upset me with facts.” Always blame you if results aren’t
as expected; can’t believe they approved the purchase and installation.
7a. Stallers. Indecisive. Can’t make up their minds. Tendency
to stall until the problem to decide goes away. It usually does
because you finally give up the task of selling them and go to take
care of other business. Similar to Super-Agreeables.
LABELING CAN HELP
Human beings are immensely complex and adaptable. No one can be
reduced to one category. All of us have some habits that occasionally
irritate and upset those around. But a difficult person’s troublesome
behavior is habitual and affects most of the people he may contact.
Eccentric behavior stands out and demands notice whether we use
our more common terms or those of a specialist like Bramsom. One
reason to label people is that it may help you feel distanced from
them. You need to realize that the Aggressor or Complainer and other
types aren’t being difficult with just you, but that he or
she acts like this with everyone in similar situations.
Coping with various types means “contending on equal terms.”
Labeling can help you to cope—to see others as they are, to
gain a greater insight into their behavior.
CAN FUNCTION BETTER
Bramson explains, “Some people believe in an aggressive or
unusual manner because they think it keeps others off balance, incapable
of effective action.”
By browbeating, stalling, silence, sweetness or complaining, they
manage to gain control over others. Effective coping is the sum
of actions you can take to minimize the impact of others’ difficult
behavior. You don’t just cope, you come out ahead.
You learn how to get on with the business at hand. You assist a
mutual understanding in which you both can function as productively
as possible.
SOME WAYs TO COPE
Here’s a brief summary of some ways to cope with basic types.
First, regardless of type, start with good sales techniques—friendliness,
enthusiasm, smiles, etc. Be tactful and understanding. On occasion,
these standard techniques may backfire. Some people resent good
salesmanship. For some reason, “nice” and “pleasant”
can seem to add to their problems.
Here are some specifics for each type that might work better:
1b. The Hostile Aggressives (Similar to No. 6b below). Give them
time to run down, to be rational. Show you take their demands seriously.
Get the facts. Try to understand their reasoning. Recognize that
hostiles feel thwarted and threatened and probably need therapy.
If they lose control, get help.
2b. The Complainers. Listen attentively, hear them out, acknowledge
their problems. They may need sympathy for their feelings of being
slighted. Offer to help. Don’t expect to resolve their problems
until things are fully discussed. Find out how they want the sales
occasion to end. Ask questions.
3b. The Silent Unresponsives. Come in different behaviors. Their
silence can be a form of calculated aggression. Ask open-ended questions.
Try to get them to talk. Maybe they really like your ideas and are
just slow thinkers. Smile quietly, clam up yourself. Don’t
wait indefinitely if you have other tasks or customers waiting.
Excuse yourself. Maybe the clam will open up and talk when you come
back.
4b. The Super Agreeables. Need reassurance that they can disagree
and still keep your favor and goodwill. Be honest and straightforward.
Ask them to be candid. Be prepared to compromise.
5b. The Wet Blankets. Be optimistic. Don’t necessarily agree
with their negative outlook
and innate focus. Listen. Offer solutions only after their problems
are fully discussed. Don’t expect decisions until they feel
confident and are ready.
6b. The Know-It-All (Bulldozers). Much like the Hostile Aggressors.
Listen and “accept” their expertise. Let them appreciate
their wisdom and importance. Ask questions, but don’t confront.
To avoid loss of sale, choose to subordinate. Try to build a more
pleasant relationship.
7b. Stallers. Find out, if possible, the reason for their stalling.
Don’t be overly enthusiastic; it makes them fearful. Let them
know their decision won’t be up to you. Go over the facts with
them. Give follow-up support after a decision is made.
John L. Lichty is a consultant and senior editor for Draperies
& Window Coverings magazine. He has more than 30 years experience
in the planning and administration of various consumer, trade and
retail advertising programs.
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